Now that I’m lost, let me find myself again.

After last night’s post, I realized that I needed to answer a few questions for myself.

1) What are my goals?  What’s on my bucket list?  When I look back on my life, what do I want to be able to say that I have done?

2) Where do I see myself in five years?

3) What kind of person do I want to become?

In answer to the first, I must admit that I don’t have many goals. I know I want to travel.  I want to study abroad in England or Scotland, maybe even Ireland.  If I like it well enough, maybe I’ll even live there for a few years.  And if I’m really lucky, maybe I’ll pick up an accent!  Besides being able to echo the voice of Donna Noble on Doctor Who, another one of my quirky wishes is to be able to ride a horse.  Not just one time, but actually learn to ride a horse and be able to stay in the saddle in full gallop.  I would also like to publish my own book.  Who knows, maybe I’ll be a reclusive author who resides in a manor house in Ireland and takes a daily ride on my painted mare named Cinnamon?  All joking aside, I would like to be remembered.  Deep down, I think everybody does.  It doesn’t even have to be for any accomplishment of mine.  If I could just be remembered as the strong woman who saw her potential written among stars, reached for it, and just for one minuscule moment held the stardust in her fingers, I would be happy.  If my smile lit up the face of another, if my words struck a chord in the heart of a stranger, if I touched anybody in any way possible, then I will be satisfied in my existence.  I only want to be remembered for being kind and being a genuine friend with a servant’s heart.  Let that be my legacy.

And now to second…I will be in my low twenties in five years.  I will hold one diploma in my hand and be working towards another.  I will have both a Chemistry and an English degree and I will continue into Pharmaceutical school.  I won’t be there in five years, but my current road leads me to the career of a pharmacist.  Whether or not that will remain true in one year or even in a few months, I couldn’t tell you.  I don’t think I’ll be married in five years, though.  I just ended one two-year relationship and I’m not in a hurry to start another.  In addition to that, I don’t want to get married before grad school — too much of a hassle and quite frankly, if the man isn’t man enough to wait a year or two to get married, then what’s going to keep him married to me for a year or two after the vows are spoken?  Anyway, by this time, I see myself studying abroad by my junior or senior year — hopefully in Europe! although I won’t be too picky.

Thirdly and lastly, I will testify as to what kind of person I would like to become.  I want to be kind.  The world has not been kind to me and I regret that my heart has grown hard.  I would love to be kind again.  I want to be the kind of person with a reputation that precedes them, the kind of person that people point at when I walk down the street and they will turn to their neighbor and say “You see that woman right there?  If there was ever a person in the world whom I would consider a friend, she would be it.  If there was ever a girl with a kind heart, she would be her.  If there was ever a person that I would go to in my times of weakness, I would go to that strong woman right there.”  I want to be loved and I want to have friends.  I have a servant’s heart and I would serve daily for my friends if only given the opportunity.  I want people to see that and I want to be able to offer them my friendship.  If there was ever a type of person I would want to be, it would be a friend.

And in that one word, in that one title, in friend, I find myself again.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s