Please don’t ask a question I don’t know the answer to.

Three things:

1) My dog can’t handle these long nights. I lull her to sleep with the clack of the keys but whenever I shift in my chair, sneeze or move in general, she freaks out and barks. As much as I love dogs, writers should probably own cats. Except a cat would sit on my keyboard and that would be problematic. So maybe writers should just own fish. Don’t tell my puppy that I’m having adulterous thoughts!

2) I really want to read what I have written. I haven’t read anything but the first chapter so far and I’m beginning to wonder. Curiosity burns inside me whenever I get a glimpse of a sentence that I have written whenever I scroll up. I wonder if it’s good. I wonder if other people will think it’s any good. I wonder if other people will even read it.

3) I can’t decide what kind of person I am. I’m a full-time nanny for two little boys and they were talking today about the type of girlfriend that they want. When I added by two cents into the conversation, they were amazed to find out that I had a boyfriend at one point (they only saw me as the permanent playmate and the food server). When they asked why I broke up with him, I gave a simplified, child version and they accepted it and the older one even agreed with me! Then they asked why I was single and I gave that explanation and the younger one agreed with me!

After this encounter, I was thinking as I began to wash the lunch dishes. I’ve heard it said that girls are one of three types: single, girlfriend, or wife. I have no experience in the wife department, but I would like to think that I would be a good wife. I mean, I nanny so I’m good with kids and I’m a great cook. That’s gotta earn me some brownie points somewhere? And I am a confident single person who isn’t desperate to find another man. Which means I still have my dignity and my independence. As a girlfriend, I’d like to think I’m great. I mean, yeah I have high expectations but any guy that I would think of dating would naturally also have high expectations (see previous economist post). Plus, I’m a great cuddler. But which type am I the best at?

I have no idea.

As great as it is to be single, I do have those moments when I miss being part of a couple. And when I was in a relationship, there were moments when I wished I could share the same house as him so I could see him more than once every few months (long-distance is terrible — but a decent way to make sure that the love is strong). But there was always that part of me that enjoyed my independence. I can’t decide who exactly I’m supposed to be, but I hope that I’ll be able to figure it out. Then, I can move on to solve other issues like world peace or child labor laws.

But until then, I am sure of one thing. I have no idea what kind of person I am.


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