The most terrifying thing is to accept one’s self completely.

Some people call it “having a bad day”. Others say that they are “riding the struggle bus”. I call it living life.

Sometimes life has a way of getting to you, even to us strong folks. Life can sucker punch us and when we are bending over trying to catch our breath, it can kick us in the stomach. It can hold our hand and walk us through the easiest parts in life and we don’t even realize that this ‘paradise’ is actually the path that leads to the edge of cliff. Upon our arrival, life will pick up a rock to bash us over the head and it will wrestle with us like Gollum and Frodo on Mt. Doom until the heels of our feet are sucked by the air and the sky wraps its hands around our ankles. All of a sudden, our feet are yanked out from under us and we find ourselves falling.

I’m falling.

Or flying. It’s all about perspective. It’s amazing how God walks with us too. Life may be pulling us by the hand but God is the one who interlocks arms with us to keep from getting separated on the journey. During the scuffle on the cliff, he is the one to pick us up and brush the dirt off, the one who comforts us from the blows, the nurse who slaps bandaids on the scrapes and ice on the bruises. And when we fall — and we will fall — then he is the one who teaches us how to fly.

This is the waiting room where we are hung in the balance until our next adventure. Our landing, however, is what ensures that last adventure. With His help, we are sure to land our feet and confidently continue. But if we refuse His guidance, we can find ourselves shattered on the valley floor and no matter how hard we try to glue ourselves back together, we will never be completely whole again.

Currently, I’m in this purgatory between the stages of my life.

I went to bible study tonight. I was am exhausted AND I still have writing to do AND it was my sister’s late birthday celebration (I did get a gift) but my conscience was nudging me to go. And so I did.

I don’t regret one moment of it.

God has provided me with my parachute and all the tools I need to land on my feet. Or if you prefer the waiting room analogy, he signed me in, provided me with a magazine to read, and even brought me a cup of coffee. There isn’t one thing he has neglected.

When I arrived here, I had no friends. And now? I have my little group of 5 (myself included) who have become close to me and reminded me what it’s like to be able to talk about the hard stuff with no fear of your opinion being rejected. I have my fellow geeks, my nerdy companions, my friends who challenge me to think and develop the beliefs that I already have. I have my friends now and they have expanded the web so I can make more connections down here.

When I arrived here, I was newly single. And now? Well okay, I’m still single but it doesn’t hurt anymore because I’m finding my own identity in Christ. I’m finding my confidence anew and there are parts of me that I’ve forgotten about that I now remember. I’m praying with more enthusiasm to find my purpose in life; don’t get me wrong, I’ve prayed sort of halfheartedly for such a thing before but now I’m actually excited to find out what He has in store for me — especially with the promise that he has something so much greater than I could have planned for myself! While I’ve made a list about characteristics that my future husband has to have, I’ve begun praying for him as well. Prayer is beginning to become a central part of my day where it didn’t before.

When I arrived here, I wasn’t at peace. There was something off. And now? There’s a satisfaction that I haven’t had in a long time, a rest in my soul that is refreshing after what I’ve been through in the past couple years. I don’t sigh, I take deep breaths because I’m relaxed and calm. He is with me and in Him, I find my rest.

I am at a place in my life that I have never been before. Whether or not I like doesn’t matter. How I respond and what I do with myself in this time, does. I have to be able to cherish this period of waiting because I won’t be able to get these very often. There is something precious about a life where you can just slow down because in this generation, life moves too fast for us to get caught stalled on the side of the road. I needed this. I needed a small reminder about what life is really about and the plan that He has for my future. I needed the shock of cold water thrown in my face to remind me that life isn’t all about me and the meager future I saw for myself.

So what am I trying to say with all this rambling? Only this: that maybe you might not like where you’re at the time, but it’s where God wants you to be. And I have finally learned to accept that.


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