A person with a cold heart can only show love by being cold.

Some people are born great. Others achieve greatness. Still others have greatness thrust upon them.

Some people are born under the weight of expectations. Other achieve the level of expectations and exceed them, even. Still others have expectations thrust upon them that they will never be able to fulfill — not that it matters too much because they will try their hardest to meet them anyway and be devastated when they fail even in the slightest.

I’m sure we can all guess which category I fall into.

I have a strong memory. An eidetic one, to clarify. I can take pictures within my mind and go back and look at the details. I can file them away in my little library filled with file cabinets and books that I have read before. However, I cannot remember every single thing that I look at. I can see pictures of pages of books and read words right off the page! But if I flip to the next page, it’s blank.

I can’t remember everything but I can remember some things. For example, I remember exactly how many pencils were in a clear plastic box on my professor’s bookshelf and how many bubbles were scrolling around around her computer screen. Why would I need to know this?? I don’t need to know this! But I will continue to know this fact for a long time!

Imagine what the implications are with this type of memory. Since I have a good memory, I can remember many facts. When I can’t pull one up however, I just love the cynical glances from people as they begin to question my memory. Truly, that’s my favorite part. They are so kind, aren’t they? They are the reason that I make friends so easily and have so many.

I get high off the adrenaline rush from competition. Comparisons are my favorite because I always come on top. Coming in second is not an option. I don’t allow it to be.

This results in incredibly high expectations for myself, higher than even the people that I surround myself with. Sometimes the hardest person on you is yourself because that little voice in your head knows exactly what to say to push your buttons and plug in the function to make you work just a little bit harder. Some call it self-motivation.

I call it self-imprisonment. My boss doesn’t chain me to the desk. I do that all on my own. My teachers don’t give me the grade. I write it on top of the paper myself.

They say when you get cold enough, you start to feel warm again. It’s true. Love someone in the coldest way possible and eventually they will feel the warmth of your embrace.

Don’t ever say that I don’t love myself.

I do.

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The leaves are all falling and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground.

It’s official. I’ve met the parents. This guy drove us up three hours north so that I could meet his mom and dad. On Saturday, it was our anniversary (it was unplanned and we don’t usually count month anniversaries, but when we realized what day it was, we decided to dedicate the date). He took me to the University of Michigan campus — which by the way, happens to be my favorite college football team — and we wandered around enjoying the lovely leaves and the people meandering through them.

matt in leaves

Obviously we also did some meandering 🙂 and it made me very happy.

I would tell you more about our date and how much fun we had, but there’s something much more intimate about stories with happy endings and no more details added. That’s why everyone loves a good fairy tale.

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Better a good journalist than a poor assassin.

Here’s yet another one! I feel like this is all I’ve been writing lately.

Students abuzz with preparations for Electra
by Sydney Sheltz

The Bethel College Theater Department is in the middle of preparations for the fall drama, Electra. A genre different than most plays performed at Bethel, the tragedy premieres on Thursday, November 14, 2014 at 7:30 PM.

The play is especially unique this year because the leading role of Electra is played by a newcomer to the theater department. Moa Son, a fifth senior and elementary education major, was cast in her first production as the leading female role.

“There was this connection with Electra as soon as I read the script. I knew that even if I didn’t get cast, I wouldn’t regret auditioning,” said Son.

Son has no previous acting experience although she was the costume designer for the leading female role in 39 Steps.

“The whole thing is a great learning experience and a big challenge for me. I have almost 600 lines and it can be very overwhelming because it’s a complex script. I want to understand it but it can be difficult, especially because English is my second language,” said Son when asked about the strain of the play.

Son is accompanied on stage by Wesley Lantz, a freshman who plays Electra’s brother Orestes.

“I originally wasn’t that excited at the audition because it was a tragedy, but now I’m super excited to experience something so different than what I’ve done before,” said Lantz.

Lantz has also performed with Bethel’s theater department in Anne Frank and Then There Were None.

“I participated in the theater department as a REACH student but it’s really nice to actually be a part of the group now,” said Lantz when asked about the differences between this show and ones he’s done before.

The play isn’t just unique because of the cast, but also because of the technical work. Caitlin Halstead, junior cast as Chrysothemis, commented how this play was unlike the others she has worked on.

“Everything is coming together so fast. We also have to work with a small stage, which is something that I’m not used to,” said Halstead.

Sophomore set designer April Reed knows all about that. This play is distinctive also because it’s the first time Reed has designed a set on her own.

“It’s been an interesting collaboration as the director and I have been working together. Some people play it really safe and others like to take a bunch of risks and hope they pay off. Risk-taking is something you’re supposed to do as an artist,” said Reed.

Electra has a non-traditional set and metaphors play a key role in the design. Because it is her first solo design and it isn’t a typical set, Reed admitted that she was nervous for opening night.

“I’m just hoping it won’t fail. I want to be a set designer when I graduate. I think that in the end, I’ll be happy by taking the biggest risk,” said Reed.

Son feels the same way.

“If my professors and friends weren’t encouraging me and supporting me, I wouldn’t never made it this far. On opening night, when I’m on the stage, I’ll know that God provided me with this opportunity and He will be faithful,” said Son.

Electra will premiere Thursday, November 13, 2014 at 7:30 PM. There will also be two other shows Friday and Saturday, November 14 and 15, 2014 at 7:30 PM.

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You’re miserable, edgy, and tired. What a perfect mood for journalism.

Yet another reason that I’ve been missing from the blogosphere — my job. But here’s the evidence that I’ve still been doing stuff and not just dropped off the face of the earth…or maybe the edge of internet? You choose, I suppose.

Seniors forced to choose between walking and running
by Sydney Sheltz

Bethel College’s graduation ceremony is scheduled as the same day as the NCCAA Championship and senior members of the track and field team are being forced to choose whether or not to run their race or to walk the stage for their diploma.

This is the second year that both of these events have coincided on the same day and some of the seniors are having a hard time choosing between the two.

Avante Newsome Gunn, senior at Bethel, participates in the 100 and 200 meter races, the 4 x 400 meter relay, and long jump.

Gunn will be graduating at the end of the 2014 fall semester but when asked how it would affect her teammates she said, “We’ve all graduated high school before but track finals are a once in a lifetime opportunity. Who knows if we will ever be able to run competitively again? I’d rather do something I love.”

Gunn isn’t the only one who feels this way.

Cinnamon Green, senior at Bethel College and the first person in her family to graduate college, is a member of the track team and throws shot-put, hammer, and weights. Because she is a first generation graduate, this is an important choice for her.

When asked to explain the situation Green said, “It’s like having to choose from your track family and your actual family. It’s a lose-lose situation.”

However, Green has decided to participate in the track national finals. “It’s my last competition and I want to go out with a bang.”

Like Green, senior Tanner Foust will be a first generation graduate. He runs the 100 and 200 meter races, the 400 meter race, the 4 x 100 and 4 x 400 meter relay as well as competing in high jump.

Foust has also chosen to run in the track finals rather than attend graduation.

“I’m going to graduate school for physical therapy so it’s not the end of school for me. I’d rather finish my track career and compete,” Foust said when explaining his choice.

Foust also said that some of the seniors had tried to remedy the problem by talking with vice president of academic services, Barb Bellefeuille.

“We met with Barb Bellefeuille about a month ago,” Foust said.

According to Bellefeuille, Bethel College is taking steps to try and remedy the situation. She said, “We have already contacted the NCCAA and ask why they are holding finals on the day when most colleges in the nation will be holding graduation. The most important thing is that is that the seniors receive the honor that is due.”

As of right now though, the graduation ceremony is still scheduled for Saturday, May 2, 2015 and the NCCAA Championship is scheduled in Rome, Georgia from Thursday, April 30, 2015 to Saturday, May 2, 2015.

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Autumn is a second spring where every leaf is a flower.

This proves that at least for a few moments I was able to sneak out of the library or the coffee shop without hiding under my mountain of textbooks. Isn’t fall beautiful here?

pond leaves

SG fall leaves

Fall is my favorite season because all of the colors, the smells (though not pumpkin spice lattes — too sweet for me…think more bonfire and French press coffee), and the chill in your bones. It makes me happy 🙂

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Math is the poetry of logical ideas.

If you have ever asked yourself, “Self, why would I date a math major?” — well, worry no longer! I have your answer!!

It’s because when you need a ruler in order to finish an organic chemistry lab, they will have one. Specifically, they will have one small enough to measure your TLC plate. And it will come in a set. Plus, it will have both a pen AND a pencil for those days when you absolutely must have both; just one or the other won’t do. AND it has a compass.

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Obviously that’s why one would date a math major. Oh, and maybe because he makes me very happy 🙂

Insanity depends on who has who locked in what cage.

Imagine living 17 years in an environment where you are subjected to forced stimulation. Books are shoved down your throat until letters are dripping down your chin with drool. Numbers are hammered into your head till there are equations hanging from your ears like earrings. But as long as you look presentable in your graduation gown holding that Honors Diploma, it doesn’t really matter about your mental state.

You’re 18 now.

Make your own choice. Do you pound yourself into the ground with textbooks like they taught you to do in high school? Or do you allow yourself to enjoy the comfort of not having the burden of those very same textbooks on your shoulders?

If you’re like me, you choose the first route. Maybe in some sort of sadistic way, you enjoy the stress headaches and the grip of tension on your neck. Maybe it’s addiction from the high of success, drowning in hormones when you can beat someone else out in the race to be at the top of your class. Maybe it’s a problem.

Now you’re 19.

So now, I’m grappling with the decision of majors and trying to juggle too many accomplishments at the same time. The mindset suddenly becomes obsessive: “How many medals can a pin on my jacket until I fall over?” or “How many rewards can I stuff into my resume until it becomes a novel?” But it’s true. And the question I’m posing to myself is: how many PhD’s can I get with a Biochemistry major? Or a Chemistry major with a Biology minor?

As if that wasn’t enough, there’s the choice of schools that need to be considered? Which schools can I get into that have the most prestigious titles? There are so many questions and I’m beginning to feel my perfectionist nature wriggle out of it’s hiding place.

Did you miss me these two weeks? I apologize. I’ve been wrestling with that perfectionist self and I’ve been juggling all my majors and classes and future decisions. I’ve got a time out finally where I can fly across the keyboard and waste the precious moments where I can breathe.

But it’s okay. I’ve gotten my thoughts out now. I don’t usually read my own stuff but I might scroll back to the top of this one. I haven’t decided whether or not it would be a good idea in order to decipher my thoughts or if it would make me panic.

Either way, I’m back. Hello again.