Insanity depends on who has who locked in what cage.

Imagine living 17 years in an environment where you are subjected to forced stimulation. Books are shoved down your throat until letters are dripping down your chin with drool. Numbers are hammered into your head till there are equations hanging from your ears like earrings. But as long as you look presentable in your graduation gown holding that Honors Diploma, it doesn’t really matter about your mental state.

You’re 18 now.

Make your own choice. Do you pound yourself into the ground with textbooks like they taught you to do in high school? Or do you allow yourself to enjoy the comfort of not having the burden of those very same textbooks on your shoulders?

If you’re like me, you choose the first route. Maybe in some sort of sadistic way, you enjoy the stress headaches and the grip of tension on your neck. Maybe it’s addiction from the high of success, drowning in hormones when you can beat someone else out in the race to be at the top of your class. Maybe it’s a problem.

Now you’re 19.

So now, I’m grappling with the decision of majors and trying to juggle too many accomplishments at the same time. The mindset suddenly becomes obsessive: “How many medals can a pin on my jacket until I fall over?” or “How many rewards can I stuff into my resume until it becomes a novel?” But it’s true. And the question I’m posing to myself is: how many PhD’s can I get with a Biochemistry major? Or a Chemistry major with a Biology minor?

As if that wasn’t enough, there’s the choice of schools that need to be considered? Which schools can I get into that have the most prestigious titles? There are so many questions and I’m beginning to feel my perfectionist nature wriggle out of it’s hiding place.

Did you miss me these two weeks? I apologize. I’ve been wrestling with that perfectionist self and I’ve been juggling all my majors and classes and future decisions. I’ve got a time out finally where I can fly across the keyboard and waste the precious moments where I can breathe.

But it’s okay. I’ve gotten my thoughts out now. I don’t usually read my own stuff but I might scroll back to the top of this one. I haven’t decided whether or not it would be a good idea in order to decipher my thoughts or if it would make me panic.

Either way, I’m back. Hello again.

One thought on “Insanity depends on who has who locked in what cage.

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