If you will regret doing what you want by the morning, sleep in late.

I’m mellow and I’m inspired.

Crap, what a moody post this is going to be.

Tonight, I’m nearing the end of my tutoring shift and I have no other homework to work on.  At least, I’m tired after an hour and half of orgo and I have no appointments and based on the fact that there’s only two people in the Learning Commons right now not including myself, I’m pretty sure I won’t have a walk-in in the next 20 minutes.

I resorted to sifting though blogposts like I’m Anna Wintour and the online pages are spreads for the next Vogue.  (Note that I just compared myself to Anna Wintour.  If that doesn’t describe my attitude perfectly, nothing will.)

Elizabeth of Delightfully Tacky (I’ve mentioned her a lot recently, haven’t I?) said she might quit blogging for awhile just because she wants to.  And yes, to clarify, I am holding back metaphorical tears.

Keiko of KeikoLynn said that she’s going to revise her list of resolutions for the year just because she wants to.

When was the last time I did something just because I wanted to?

Technically, it was this afternoon when I finished the lab report that’s not due till Thursday and rewarded myself with an episode of Criminal Minds and a handful of gummy bears.

But let’s be honest, that doesn’t have an life-changing effects for me. When was the last time that I did something cool just because I wanted to?

At this point, the next post has the potential to be just as sullen and melodramatic as this one — or incredibly inspiring and as unexpected as the inch of snow we got today.

There’s always that second fashion blog I’ve been dying to try…

Pictures only show you who you used to be.

I own a laptop.

What a way to start a sentence on a blog. Of course, I have a laptop.

This laptop has a background on it. Specifically, my background is a slide show of pictures taken over the years. One of the scrolling pictures is my family at a party to celebrate my great grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary (and yes, I realize that this means that the generations in my family are every 20ish years and my window is quickly closing…hate to disappoint everybody, but that’s just not happening…)

Anyway, my roommate was sitting next to me and I had just returned to my desktop screen. Having seen the picture, she asked when it was taken. She didn’t believe me when I said it was 5 years old because apparently I haven’t changed at all.

Physically.

That picture only shows a quick snapshot, a glimpse of who I used to be. Maybe I still look like that — who am I kidding? Of course I do — but that in no one means that I haven’t changed.

It takes a minute to change temporarily and a second to change forever. Just last night, two of my other roommates had a fight so big that one is moving out of the room and finalizing her transfer papers. I will add that she had been contemplating a college transfer for awhile but she officially got all her information today. How long did that take for two people to go from best friends to distant strangers?

See what I mean?

When my boyfriend asked if I would like to be his girlfriend, my status changed in the one second it took me to say yes. As soon as my college put the stamp on my acceptance letter, I gained the title of undergraduate student. One click and I was approved as a writer tutor. One second is enough to change someone’s identity, or at the very least, add something new!

So yeah, I haven’t changed appearances in five years. But you can bet that if we lined up lists with characteristics of that girl in the photo and the traits that I currently possess, the only thing that would be the same is the first and last name.

Talk about distant strangers.

Link

This is my museum of forgotten things.

Been awhile for an article, hasn’t it? For those of you who forgot how this works, I post the unedited version of my story on the blog and you can read it without having to be on a campus computer.

Ta da!

Theater students take the stage for KCACTF awards
By Sydney Sheltz

The Kennedy Center American College Theater Festival (KCACTF) awards lasted from Monday, January 5, 2015 to Sunday, January 11, 2015 in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

The KCACTF is a national theater program committed to improving the quality of theater and showcasing student work from various colleges across America. Of the 18,000 college students that participate, 22 were from Bethel College.

The KCACTF awards are given every January or February in order to honor outstanding regional productions. Eight students from Bethel accepted their nomination for Outstanding Performance for the Irene Ryan National Acting Competition.

After each nomination, the students prepared 2 separate scenes and a monologue of their choice. The students were coached for their performances by the director of the traveling theater group, Genesians, and adjunct professor of theater at Bethel, Deb Swerman.

Six additional students presented designs at the KCACTF award such as sophomore April Reed’s scenic design for “Elektra,” senior Tim Becze’s lighting design in “Waiting for Godot” and “39 Steps” and (year?) Hiram Park’s makeup design for “Elektra.”

Other competing students included sophomore Erin Cluckie with stage management for “39 Steps,” senior A.J. Reynolds for dramaturgy with “Elektra” and senior Moa Son’s constume designs for the KCACTF regional contest “A Long Day’s Journey into the Night.”

Both Reynolds and Becze advanced to the final round in their category. Son took first place with her costume design as part of the Design Storm Team competition in the finals also.

Furthermore, 6 other students were awarded certificates of merit for Outstanding Achievement in productions over the past year.

Associate theatre designer at Bethel College, Johan Godwaldt was also selected by the KCACTF for the Lighting Design Intensive for his work. He also received the Faculty Service Award for the state of Indiana.

Hello again, old stranger.

I looked in the mirror and saw someone there,
I was taken aback by her bold, steady stare.
She looked like how I thought I would,
And I didn’t know her but felt that I should.

She was different than yesterday and yet the same
The question lingered: what was her name?
The more that I looked, the more I knew
If I asked, she would say: “I am you.”

How many are there? I wondered again.
There had been so many I couldn’t retain
All of their faces and all of their tales;
I was lucky if I remembered a few details.

I blinked and she copied me at the same time.
Everything I did, she would instantly mime.
It’s funny to see your face and not see
That maybe this was who you’re meant to be.

But then again, maybe not and you’re not done
progressing because life’s crazy path has just begun.
You’ll keep seeing faces that don’t seem to belong
But one day you’ll know that you don’t have it wrong.

You will constantly change and surprise yourself
As you repeat old traits collecting dust on a shelf
or try out some new ones that don’t quite fit right.
Know that the reflection will always be bright.

The Great Puzzle: who am I?

It’s Sunday.

It’s Sunday and I went to church.

It’s Sunday and I went to church and I found out that I don’t know who I am.

Well, specifically, I was told that I don’t understand myself at all. Which is a partially true statement. The pastor said that the only person who completely understands me is the God who made me.

Let’s be honest: I can’t argue with that.

But this opens a lot of questions. If I don’t understand myself, how can I possibly live a life to fulfill goals that I’m not even sure that I want in the first place? What are my true goals then? What are my motives for acting the way that I do? Why do I experience emotions? Why can’t I pick just one favorite color instead of switching based on my mood? Why can’t I pick a favorite food instead of selecting all the food I would want for my last meal if I was on Death Row?

…see what I mean? Important questions.

But, for some reason, I’m okay with not knowing who I am. I think I’ll be just fine figuring it out as I go along my way. Usually I would be freaking out by this lack of information.

Why am I responding in a perfectly logical and calm manner?

Not sure. Probably because I have no idea who I am.

“For awhile” can’t be measured by the person who’s waiting.

Waiting is a verb.

It means you’re doing something.

Why then, do I always feel like I’m doing absolutely nothing when I’m waiting?

I’m usually distracting myself to keep from thinking about the thing that I’m waiting for. But even if I do a lot of minor things — like doing dishes or folding laundry or even posting on this blog — I always feel like those tasks are insignificant. I’m not sure how they are so meaningless since they make it on my to-do list every time.

At the moment though, I’m frustrated with the whole waiting process. I’ve grown up in a society that thrives on instant gratification and that may have a greater impact than I realized. But when trying to think of a society off the top of my head that does NOT struggle with patience, I can’t think of one! (I dare you to try and think of one…)

I have noticed that the struggle is worse when I’m not given a time frame to expect the answer. When I do know the approximate time, I experience more anticipation than anything else.

So is it anxiety that makes waiting so hard?

Not quite. There are several happy situations where I’m waiting and I get impatience and I’m not worried about the outcome at all.

So is it control? That may be more on point.

Do I have a hard time waiting because the outcome – whatever it may be – and the timing are completely out of my hands? And looking back on it, I can definitely see that being an issue. However, being in control is a personality trait of mine that has gotten me a lot of places and allowed me to take advantage of a lot of opportunities. I’m not sure that I want to totally rid myself of that drive.

On that note, I totally just remembered that I already have written about the idea of waiting before: https://sydneysheltz.wordpress.com/2014/07/23/patience-is-how-we-behave-when-we-are-waiting/

Wow. I should definitely work on that (see, that’s the drive I just mentioned!). But unfortunately, I don’t want to have to wait for the results.

Ah. There’s the problem.