Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.

I’m a day late welcoming 2015 and I hope it doesn’t take it out on me.

This is the year when I turn 20. Two decades old and I still have no idea what’s going on.

This is the year when I will officially be halfway done with my undergraduate degree in Biochemistry.

This is the year when I will (hopefully!) participate in my first research summer program.

This is the year that my great grandfather turns 90.

This is the year that my little sister graduates from high school and experiences college for herself and finds out that all the horror stories I told were actually true.

This is the year that my younger brother will attend middle school for the first time.

This is the year that my current boyfriend and I will be dating for one year.

I’m sure there are many more but I’ll stop there because, quite honestly, those mile-markers aren’t the point of this post. The point of this post was to muse upon how many change occur over the course of one year. While I’m living the year out, it seems to drag it’s feet and never end while I’m constantly anticipating the next one. Then in one 24 hour span, I’m mulling over every event that I seemed to have missed while living out those events.

I’m always very reflective the first week of the new year and it’s rarely because I decided to actually attempt to keep a resolution. Mostly, it’s just me trying to figure out if I’m satisfied where I’m at. And then, if I am satisfied, is it because I need to raise my expectations of satisfaction? Where do I need to be at in one year from now, and if I don’t reach those goals, what do I expect to do from there? Answer me this: what will my level of satisfaction be if I don’t reach those goals but have still managed to do something intrinsically valuable?

I’m going to set a goal for myself this summer and try to get accepted to a REU Program (research experience for undergraduates) at a state university. Such a program would open a lot of doors and I would receive a lot of practical knowledge. I would love to take advantage of such an opportunity but I need to prepare myself for disappointment if it doesn’t happen.

I have plans but my biggest plan is to execute all the other plans.

What do I expect 2015 to look like? I really have no idea. My hope would be that I get one more step to the future that I see for myself. And if not, then I hope I have the discernment and courage to recognize that the future I see for myself might not be what is best for me.

Either way, it’s January 2, 2015 and I better get used to it.

Only 363 days left.

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