I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place.
On one hand, I want to take advantage of everything that life has to offer. I want to go out this summer and go something exciting, to write a second book, to get a job as a barista at Starbucks because it sounds like a fun new experience, to work in a research lab because I would love to learn more about science, to do something that I can look back and think “yes, that was a summer that impacted me.”
On the other hand, I’m bored with going through the motions. I’m just flipping through the pages so that I can take the test, just breathing in and out so I can keep trudging on the same sidewalks, just waking up early to get the stuff done and then collapse when I get home.
I can’t decide if I’m restless or just plain bored.
Maybe I’m overthinking things because I’m halfway done with my college career and I’m halfway done with finals week. Maybe the coffee I drank this morning was accidently decaf. Maybe my brain has turned to mush from memorizing all these concepts.
I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but I want to start running early in the morning – maybe early enough that I can see the sunrise and chase it across the bridge over the water. That explains the restless sensation.
I also want a change of scenery. I want to go out and do things. I want to shop at an open-air market and cook a new recipe. I want to read a new book that actually interests me. I want to explore something. Maybe this summer, I’ll make it a goal to meet one new person per week. Or maybe not because I’m introverted and have the tendency to be a bit shy. Either way, that explains the bored feeling.
Call it wanderlust. Call it boredom. Call it whatever you wish. I don’t have the words to explain it, but perhaps my silence on the matter will communicate it more clearly than all these words on the page. I have half a mind to delete this whole post because it’s not saying anything remotely important.
But I won’t.
Because I’m saying something and maybe that the important part.