“I’m sorry,” whimpered the innocent eyes.
“I didn’t mean to, ” pleaded the bloodless hands.
“Will you forgive me?” begged the virtuous heart.
And yet my head screamed no.
Apologies are not sincere when received from the wrong donor. A blood transfusion is hardly worth anything if the antibodies don’t match – in fact, it would kill you.
That’s why I don’t accept the words spoken from his mouth when they should’ve come from yours. One man does not, could not, should not take the place of an entire institution. I do not accept this.
And yet my entire faith is based upon this concept.
When my alma mater (though the words drip toxic from my bitter tongue) plays favorites with the graduating seniors, when the achievements of some are overshadowed with songs and theatrical talent, when misunderstood academic concepts become Stars of David upon the graduation gowns, that’s when the apology ceases to be acceptable from the mouth of a messenger. A child cannot forgive a parent who forgets they exist. Resentment festers and this is what you end up with! A tantrum from the child who tries way too hard to gain acknowledgement from the ignorant parent.
(*They say ignorance is bliss. I say ignorance creates monsters. If you don’t believe me, look at the American government and educational system. Ignorance in the system has created an abomination to imagination and creativity that is now too large to contain.)
Now listen to the voice of the child who has grown up and spent four years in the shadow of everyone else that you elevated above me. I am grown. I don’t want you. And, perhaps most dangerously and most importantly, I don’t need you.
And in the future, when you claim your confidence in my ability to make you proud as your alumni, when you want to attach your name to mine, when you want to invite me back to prattle in your little chapel speeches, I will say yes. Oh, and don’t you dare act surprised. You should know that I would never pass up the opportunity to tell you to your face my true feelings:
“Go away you evildoers. I never knew you.”