I have always depended on the kindness of strangers.

Dear Bill Woods,

When I asked you tentatively if I could sit in the chair next to you – the one by the window with a view brighter than my future – and if I could possibly intrude on the quiet in the corner, I wonder if you could see the tears cowering in my eyes.

When I sat down in that recliner quivering like a baby bird and death-gripping the coffee so strong that even your nose recoiled from 5 feet away, I wonder if you knew how close I was to shattering.

When you set down your book and glanced at me before you started that conversation, what did you know about that quiet, pretty girl that caught the attention of everyone in the room and yet, hid in the glare of the window?

Because, Mr. Bill Woods, you said exactly what I needed to hear. You smiled like my grandpa and you spoke like my professor.

Because, Mr. Bill Woods, I had reached that point.

You know the one, where you keep blinking because you don’t want to see.  And yet, you asked all the right questions.  You know the ones, where you nibble away until you reach the heart of the issue.

Because, Mr. Bill Woods, you were God in disguise.  You knew nothing about me and yet 10 minutes later, you were complimenting my intelligence and saying how proud you were of me.  You reminded me that this new job (as ghastly terrifying and unfulfilling as it may be) was a stepping stone.  You honestly were the source of encouragement that I needed today in order to respond to the recruiter.

Because, Mr. Bill Woods, I thought about ignoring that email.  I thought about lying to everyone and saying that the job offer had been cancelled, that the clinical trials had ended, that my emails were lost in cyberspace, that the recruiter was an alien and was sucked back into the Mothership, that my singular goal in life was to become a 50’s housewife complete with the red lipstick and pearls – I had so many excuses prepared to refuse that step entirely.

And yet here I am.

Thank God for all the Mr. Bill Woods’s in the world.


What abundance of grace was born to you that you could share with me?

I found the one whom my soul loves.

I found him in a coffee shop over two years ago and he held my hand as I jumped in puddles.  I found his eyes softening like butter when he gazed in awe at my freckles as the raindrops jealously kissed my face. I found his hand held onto mine despite the sweat that dared to slide between us in the 90 degree heat.

I found him when he laid next to me in the autumn leaves and held me against the on-coming chill. I found him when we stared in the flames of a bonfire and reveled in the comfort of the silence between us. I found him when he pulled his hat over his ears and buried his face in my hair to share the precious warmth.

I found him when he kissed my forehead to break the bonds of sleep – only to present a steaming mug of clarity (some call it coffee) as we watched the sunrise over the pier. I found him when we had a splash war in the water, and although he grabbed and threatened to dunk me, I never doubted that I was safe in the arms of my lifeguard.

The days turned to weeks, and the weeks tumbled into months, and the months stumbled into years and I waited to see if he could still be found.The baby face melted away into the chiseled cheekbones of a man. Depending on the day, the contacts would materialize into glasses. The peach fuzz of boyhood toughened into reddish bristles, neatly trimmed to frame the lips that still spoke words as warm as his embrace.

Then one day, I found him again.

I found him on one knee in the summer grass where the leaves had once laid with us in a blanket of color. I found myself blinded with the glint of a diamond while his hands shook in time with the beating of my heart.

And in that moment, I couldn’t find him.

When my eyes recovered, there he was.

A new title, a little older, a little more scared of the unknowns ahead, a little more excited too. And a little more mine.  I found him.

But what I didn’t realize, is that he found me.

Letters are written using emotional syntax far more intimate and powerful than speech will allow.

Dear future husband,

It’s been awhile. Sorry about that. Things have been busy.

While part of me wants to excuse away my absence, I know that it is a bigger deal than I make it out to be. I need to be able to prioritize when I’m with you. I guess I’ll figure it out when it comes to that, though. It’s not something that I really need to be concerned with at this very moment. See! Prioritizing. I’m already practicing.

That’s one of the things I hope we can do for each other. Motivate each other. Stay updating in each other’s lives and be able to provide that support system for each other when we are feeling weak. I hope you will motivate me to keep up with my PT exercises. Maybe hide all the chocolate until I do them or something…just a thought.

I want to be able to hold your hand and support you. I know from this past semester and taking hard classes that sometimes life is just rough. There’s something incredibly sweet about gestures that recognize all the effort you’ve put into something. For example, after my orgo exam, it would’ve been amazing if something showed up with roses and chocolate because they knew they I had spent more hours studying for that exam than I had sleeping the 4 days prior to the exam. Oh wait. Someone did do that.

Take inspiration from that if you will. I hope that I will be able to find things that motivate you and reward you as much as the flower gesture did for me.

Plans change and for some weird reason, although humans have been able to adapt to climate change and other flukes of nature, we seem to react very poorly to change — despite the fact that plans are never set in stone! I hope that we don’t put too much importance on plans so that we don’t have our hopes dashed if they don’t come to fruition. That being said, I also hope that we can support each other when both of us have plans to accomplish goals…the more of these letters I write to you, the more I realize how much of a relationship is a total balancing act.

I just don’t want life to get in our way. Have you ever listened to the song “Broken Together” by Casting Crowns? There’s a line in the song that goes like this:

We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind

I don’t want to be so distracted with all the accomplishments and goals of life and forget about building a relationship. How painful it would be to struggle by yourself and know how hard those situations can be — and then turn around and forget that your best friend and spouse is struggling too! There should be no abandonment in a promise as strong as marriage.

I will make a promise to you right now. I promise that you will never have to go through life’s struggles alone and I will be by your side the whole time. We’re a team, love.

I can’t wait to play this crazy game of life with you, teammate.

All my love,

Your Future Wife

More than kisses, letters mingle souls.

My future husband,

I really want to hold your hand. When I took the love language test, I tied with two. One of my top love languages is physical touch and it means a lot just for someone to put their arm around me or wrap me in a hug. Unfortunately, I’m also very picky about who gives me hugs. But you? I’ll always accept a hug from you 🙂

I hope you’re a little taller than me so I can snuggle up against you and nuzzle my head into the side of your neck. I love the smell of cologne too, so I hope you don’t get too freaked out if I breathe a little heavily sometimes. I hope you hold my hand in public and drape your arm over my shoulders when we are walking somewhere. You don’t have to make it so over-the-top that it makes people gag, but I do hope you show me that you care in those subtle ways. I hope you kiss my forehead when I admit that I’m exhausted before you wrap your arms around me. I hope there will be moments when I make you laugh and you kiss my nose because you think I’m cute. I hope you don’t forget to send me those little reminders.

I hope that we can cuddle when I convince you to watch a Disney movie with me and that when we are watching your favorite kind of movie, I hope that you will hold me tighter when I get scared or jump. I will fall asleep on you though. I can promise you that I will fall asleep on you. I can fall asleep almost instantly and when I lay against you, the rhythm of your heart will lull me to sleep. I hope you don’t mind. I don’t think I snore. And I’m such a heavy sleeper that it won’t be a problem if you do 🙂

I was walking today and I just wanted a hand to hold and you popped into my head. Thanks for stopping by in my thoughts 🙂 I’m still praying for you.

All my love,
Your Future Wife

In every letter, in every line, she saw him.

Hello future husband,

I wonder if that’s how we will meet. A simple hello on the sidewalk, a passing glance before one of us opens our mouth to greet each other because there was “something”. I smile at everyone I pass so I’m sure I’ll send one your way. Maybe that’s why you say hi — because you like my smile 🙂 I’ll be sure to give you quite a few of those smiles when I realize you like them.

But maybe I already know you. Maybe I’ve already flashed you one of my endearing smiles and you were too stunned to say anything. There’s a possibility that you’re on this college campus and you’re a friend of mine. I’d guess though that I haven’t had the pleasure of meeting you yet. I’d like to though.

I’m waiting eagerly to do so. I won’t come out and chase you though; you have to come to me. I may help you out in the beginning of our friendship, I might just suggest that we have coffee sometime. But you have to be the one to follow up on the idea.

I can peek through my window blinds of my dorm room and see the moon. I wonder if you’re looking at it too. It’s weird to think that you could be within a few miles of me and I don’t even realize it. At the same time, you could be on the other side of the world. Do you believe in soulmates? I don’t. I could happy with several people based on the level of settling I could do. I bet you could too. But I know you will wait for me. You don’t realize it yet but you are waiting for me to cross your path on the sidewalk just as I am. You could be in the building next door and I wouldn’t even know it. The fairytales would make it seem that I would be able to feel your presence if you were close by. Maybe I can. Maybe that tiny little smile that creeps on my lips at night when I feel contented is a result of you thinking of me. Does that little smile ever find you too? When I’m writing these letters, can you feel the thoughts I’m sending your way?

Probably not. You’ll probably think I’m stupid for suggesting such a thing. I’m probably nothing but a hopeless romantic in your eyes. But maybe, just maybe, you’ll understand where I’m coming from and return my smile with one of your own because that girl on the sidewalk who smiled for just a second, that girl with the happy face and curious eyes, that girl with a million thoughts and 10 fingers to type them all down was thinking about you.

I love you and I’m praying especially hard for you tonight because you are weighing so heavily on my mind.

Your future Wife

To write is human, to receive a letter: divine!

Dear future husband,

I hope you’re a nerd. I hope I can ask you a random question and you won’t look at me like I”m strange, but rather you’ll answer it to the best of your ability. I hope that if neither one of us knows the answer, then we can find it together. I hope you’ve got the same innate curiosity within you that I have, that uncanny talent of asking questions about everything. I hope you indulge my own inquisitiveness.

I want to be able to talk to you about anything. Someday, I hope to introduce you to my thinking spot by the water so your mind can wander like mine. We can sit on the edge of the pier at 2 in the morning and you can describe all the constellations that you remember and we can have a contest to see who finds them first. Even if my mind is running a 100 miles an hour, I don’t care if yours is taking a leisurely stroll without a care in the world. And when it rains, I hope you will grab my and and run with me to the dry comfort of our home — but not before pausing to waltz with me to no music as the raindrops cling to our clothes and cluster in our hair. I hope you join me in sitting in a chair by the fire, staring out the window with cups of tea between our hands.

I don’t even mind if you’re a coffee person or a tea drinker, or none at all! As long as you can sit with me and think, we will get along just fine 🙂

I hope you ask me questions too. I hope I can answer them and when I can’t, I hope that you will suggest a trip to the library to find out. I love libraries. But you will have known this already because you will have already given me a book for my birthday present (and if you haven’t by that time, I’m sure you will in the future). I hope you like books. I don’t really care what type of books, be they fantasy, science fiction, history and genealogies, textbooks on quantum physics, romantic stories even! I care not as long as you read. And if perchance you are a slow reader, that will make you all the more dear to me because you put forth so much time and effort into a past time you love.

This letter is filled with many hopes of the type of person you will be, memories that I hope to make with you. I hope that you are intellectually attractive. Even if you do not fulfill all these dreams I have of you and even if — heaven forbid — you don’t like books, you are still my future husband and I will still love the wonderful person you are. I pray for you and you float in and out of my thoughts.

I love you even now.

Your future Wife

You Deserve a Longer Letter than This

Dear Future Husband,

If you think that girls are complicated, you haven’t the slightest idea until you meet me. I will redefine “complicated”.

I am a walking paradox. I want to be seen as a strong, independent woman who dreams of travelling to Europe but there is nothing I enjoy more than cuddling up into someone while they hold me as if I’m the most fragile thing in the world. Chocolate is my weakness but I want someone who will go to the farmer’s market with me on Saturday mornings to see if we can find fresh pears so we can eat healthy. I smile everyday, but there is always a special smile reserved just for you and I dearly hope you can recognize when I’m wearing the mask that everyone else sees. I am a girl with brittle bones and glass armor — I look strong but I shatter with one well-placed blow.

And you will be the only one who can hit me in the just the right spot and send me crashing to the floor in pieces. In the same way, I trust that you never would do such a thing.

There will be days when you think I’m perfect, but I think it will save a lot of trouble in the long run if I admit right now that I am far from it. And I like it that way! There is always something to attain to, a goal that I can always strive towards. And there’s nothing exciting about not making mistakes 😉

And I have made mistakes. A lot of them. I even thought one of them was you, but it turns out that they didn’t have your cologne or your favorite shirt. I’m sorry that they weren’t you, but I treasure those learning experiences and I hope that one day I can show you the lessons I learned.

I have no idea when I’ll meet you, or if I already have. I have no idea what you look like but I can guarantee right now that, to me, you will be the best-looking guy in any room we walk into. I can’t wait to have fun dates with my best friend and I really can’t wait for the moment that I start our first food fight and rub raw cookie dough on your face 🙂 it will be fun. I already have a few dates in mind, but I would love to hear a few of your idea too and add them to the mix! You better believe that we will have a ton of dates in our future (especially when we are married).

But even when life isn’t fun, I am glad you will be there to hold my hand. I’m glad that you will be by my side to support me and hold my heart together when it’s breaking. I can make a solemn promise to you right now that I will do the same for you.

It’s getting late and I’m sleepy and I wish that I could be there to cuddle next to you. I hope your dreams are pleasant and you wake up with a smile on your face even though you have no idea that it was my thoughts of you that put it there. I pray for you constantly. That your workday doesn’t seem too long, that rude people don’t ruin your day, that the Devil won’t succeed in tempting you, that you know that you are eternally loved by a gracious God who has seen your future with me, that you will keep that handsome smile on your face. I do pray for you and you are never far from my mind. Sleep tight.

I love you.

Your Future Wife