My idea of “getting down” on Friday night is reading my Organic Chemistry textbook in the campus coffee shop at the corner table by the window, sipping a decaf mocha so I can get my coffee fix without the caffeine. At least, that’s how it is tonight. If things get really crazy, I might even paint my nails.
I know, I know, I should really tone it down.
But seriously though, the fact that I don’t have exciting plans on a Friday doesn’t bother me. Too much. The fact that I’m writing a post about it is probably a signal that it bothers me just a little. I DO have a lot of friends here. Several of them have gone home to their families for Labor Day plans and the others are already doing something or are already busy.
I like people. I may be introverted, but I do like to see people. As I was texting a friend the other day, I commented how I could talk his ear off and he agreed that I’ve gotten a lot more talkative this year! I like to hang out with my friends so that we can get even closer and I love to have fun and play euchre with a bunch of people or go to a bonfire (which are my plans for tomorrow night). See? I do have plans!
But there’s something nice about being alone and being able to watch the world go by at a slower pace. I like being able to have no deadlines and to sit here for as long as I want to. I like being able to sip my coffee without wondering if I can finish it before I have to take off to the next place. I like being able to read my Chemistry textbook and take notes in fun, color-coded pens so that my notebook looks pretty. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things. Society would frown upon me doing those things on a Friday night and I’m reminded of that more and more with every glance that comes my way from those who are “having fun.”
What’s so wrong with being a nerd? Why does the word “nerd” carry such negative connotations? I’m wearing my soccer stuff right now so I don’t look like the quintessential college nerd, but what other type of person would be studying on a Friday night? I’m disappointed in myself that I feel bad about doing so. I shouldn’t be apologizing for the type of person that I am and the types of activities that I enjoy! I should take pride in my intellectual abilities.
I guess it’s hard to remain confident for so long when no one else is there to remind you how awesome those parts of you really are. I’ve experienced the single life and the dating life and I’m beginning to remember how important it is for you to be the biggest supporter you have. Sometimes when you’re sitting at the corner table all alone, you are the only company that you have. You should at least like yourself. But it’s better when you can support yourself and the type of person that you are and it’s best when you can compliment yourself and find pride in the person that you have evolved into over the years.
So after a long blogpost and an even longer thought process, I’ve come to this conclusion: I am a nerd.
But most importantly, I like myself.