When you give a girl some pancakes, she won’t eat them in front of you.

I ordered cheap pancakes, questionably runny scrambled eggs and bitter diner-worthy coffee as I slouched in the booth coated in leather cheaper than a Michael Kors knock-off.

I laughed a little too loudly and far too long at her joke even though it wasn’t funny and I thought for a second that she might want to be my friend just for the sake of having someone to talk to.

I smiled a little too brightly when he looked at me and I could tell that he would go and tell his friends about how impressive he was even though he couldn’t even name the person he would use as evidence.

I texted back immediately after I received the message and I wondered what it would feel like to make him wonder why those three little dots hadn’t appeared on the screen yet.

I asked her a question that I already knew the answer too so that I could stay in her office for a few seconds more and avoid the responsibility that loomed in the next room.

I ate too quickly, walked away too briskly, flirted too obviously, texted too desperately, procrastinated too strongly, regretted all those decisions so completely.

They say to live your live with passion but somehow the words get mixed up and the dictionary confuses vehemence with velocity as everyone decides to pick up the pace. Love passionately and soon the emotions burns away as quickly as you add the fuel. Live passionately and pretty soon all your effort wisps away as you burn out over all of your priorities. Do anything you want with as much passion as you please and pretty soon you start to wonder if you are smoldering in something that doesn’t really interest you.

When you live passionately in so many areas of your life, you overcompensate. You tell yourself that you’re just trying to narrow it down, that you’re on a journey to know yourself more, that you’re exploring all the options — but be honest with yourself, my dear.

It’s hard to live passionately when you don’t even know what you want.

And still, my dear reader, you wonder why I write this way. It’s because I didn’t even know if I wanted to write this in the first place.

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What fun would it be if I got whatever I wanted, just like that?

It’s been a bit since I posted a little link-roundup so here you go! Now you can see my materialistic desires laid out before you:

I just love these shoes. SO cute. They vaguely remind me of something that Taylor Swift would wear and that makes them all the more drool-worthy.

I’m a “pants” girl. I love skirts but I just don’t think they are practical — especially in subzero weather! But if tights are having a moment, then I might be able to jump on the bandwagon for this in the next couple months.

So like I just said, I’m not a skirt girl. I want to be able to run and spill chemicals on myself in lab and not having to worry about it falling on my skin. These types of skirts might be worth checking out because of the length and the proportion.

I tripped across BabeVibes a few weeks ago and posted an article from their Valentine’s Day special. I also really appreciate people who can slow-down for a second and learn to take care of themselves. Mostly because I’m really bad at that.

I’ll finish with a link to a TED talk because why not? TED talks are some of my favorite things to watch and I think it’s interesting to see different viewpoints from experts. This one reminds me of E. O. Wilson’s idea of sociobiology — your thoughts?

If you will regret doing what you want by the morning, sleep in late.

I’m mellow and I’m inspired.

Crap, what a moody post this is going to be.

Tonight, I’m nearing the end of my tutoring shift and I have no other homework to work on.  At least, I’m tired after an hour and half of orgo and I have no appointments and based on the fact that there’s only two people in the Learning Commons right now not including myself, I’m pretty sure I won’t have a walk-in in the next 20 minutes.

I resorted to sifting though blogposts like I’m Anna Wintour and the online pages are spreads for the next Vogue.  (Note that I just compared myself to Anna Wintour.  If that doesn’t describe my attitude perfectly, nothing will.)

Elizabeth of Delightfully Tacky (I’ve mentioned her a lot recently, haven’t I?) said she might quit blogging for awhile just because she wants to.  And yes, to clarify, I am holding back metaphorical tears.

Keiko of KeikoLynn said that she’s going to revise her list of resolutions for the year just because she wants to.

When was the last time I did something just because I wanted to?

Technically, it was this afternoon when I finished the lab report that’s not due till Thursday and rewarded myself with an episode of Criminal Minds and a handful of gummy bears.

But let’s be honest, that doesn’t have an life-changing effects for me. When was the last time that I did something cool just because I wanted to?

At this point, the next post has the potential to be just as sullen and melodramatic as this one — or incredibly inspiring and as unexpected as the inch of snow we got today.

There’s always that second fashion blog I’ve been dying to try…

Let me tell you what I want, what I really really want!

Call me Ebenezer Scrooge.

I woke up this morning and mulled over certain things while sipping (okay gulping…I’m not the most attractive eater in the world — ask anyone I’ve eaten with) my mocha and I realized something.

I want a lot out of this life. Perhaps even worse is that I want to keep exactly what I have right now and keep it hoarded away in the private little safe I have in my mind so I can never lose it. I shall count the wealth of my memories and relationships everyday and bathe in it. I’m rolling in dough when it comes to the things that life has given me.

And if I’m truly honest with myself, I want a lot more than I think life would be willing to give. This fact will result in a lot of hard work on my part. And with a lot of hard work often comes a lot of failure.

I’m not sure I want that, even though I’ve been told that a little failure is good for us every now and again. Think of failure like the “juice cleanse” of life. It’s not necessarily a pleasant experience since it cleans you out, but those toxins need to come out and it might as well be sooner rather than later, ya?

But right now, I’m feeling selfish so I’m going to show you a brief (promise it won’t be anymore than 5…right now!) list of the things that I want from this life.

1) I think I want to visit Tokyo. This is a new thing on the list but I was reading Keiko’s blog and I think I might want to go. It seems cool and I love Asian food. So I’m officially going to add this to my list. It may be a bit impulsive, but I’m not actually doing it so I’m pretty sure that’s okay.

2) I think that I will get blue or purple hair sometime. This one is questionable but I’m experimenting with a Cherry Coke red right now and I’ve been admiring these lovely blue-headed ladies on Pinterest for awhile. Needless to say, this one probably won’t come to pass, but it’s got to go on here since I’ve been thinking about it.

3) I will drink Irish coffee in Ireland. This one doesn’t need an explanation.

4) I want to be accepted at the University of Michigan Pharmacy PhD program. This one will take work but if I could get any wish I wanted, this would be it. It’s renowned for it’s Biology and Chemistry programs and it also happens to be my favorite college. Check out my phone case, if you don’t believe me.

5) I want to paint some of my own art for my house when I get older. Have you guys ever been to those places where you can register and they teach you how to paint with an instructor (like Wine and Canvas etc.)? I love those places and I definitely want to do more of those. I have a lot of hobbies but I hope that I eventually have time to practice my painting and drawing skills.

Those all sound manageable, do they not? I’m pretty sure I can handle these (#4 might WILL take a lot of work) but I think it can be done.

Wish me luck.