The only dreams that matter are the ones you have when you’re awake.

I think I’m gonna do it.

Remember my last post when I was bemoaning my boring life and not really looking forward to the summer, but at the same time, totally inspired to do something — except that I didn’t know what it was?

I think I’m going to do a fashion blog. I’ve been talking about it forever, but I think this summer, I’m actually going to do it.

I think I’ll have a separate blog (title pending…) but I will continue to post on this one and the other. This one is still near and dear to my heart and I don’t want to see it go just yet. I still plan on writing a book this summer — by the way, dear reader, I’m very open to suggestions since I have no idea what the plot is going to be at all. I don’t even have one single character idea.

That’s my little update.

We live in danger of becoming paralyzed by indecision.

The thing about returning home after a few month absence is that you never know what you’re going to find. The expectations might have changed, the attitudes of certain siblings going through puberty might be spiking HARD in different directions, the schedule had shifted slightly.

On the plus side, the food is always great.

Truth be told, I’m never sure what I should say when I get home. My parents always ask me how life is and what my plans are for the next month/months/year/years. I always feel fairly confident when I give my answer. Yeah, of course I have plans.

They always seem vaguely amused about my plans though. Oh yes, darling. I’m listening to your plans, but just wait until life gets started. We will see about those plans then.

I have two reactions to that:

Firstly, don’t encourage me to have goals and then snub my ambition. I know what I want and I know what I want to be and I would appreciate it if you would respect the fact that I want to get that PhD. Please stop suppressing those snarky smiles when I gush about my plans. I realize that life is unpredictable but that’s no reason to give up on what I want to do.

Secondly, this Bustle article makes me think. Maybe the reason that my parents don’t think I should plan everything so much is because they don’t want me to limit myself. But let’s be honest, I’m not exactly putting myself in a box for wanting a PhD in pharmaceutical sciences — there is a little stretching there.

I’m not sure how to answer the question. Either they’re nervous that I have everything planned, but it should be stated that these plans are not a “be all, end all” sort of arrangement. My life, while laying the foundation for certain plans, is not dependent on the exact future. The other side of the coin is that if I was aimless about my future, they would also be nervous.

To sum up my life, my parents are often nervous.

So what are your plans for “X” amount of time?

Perhaps the better answer is: “no comment.”

Letters are written using emotional syntax far more intimate and powerful than speech will allow.

Dear future husband,

It’s been awhile. Sorry about that. Things have been busy.

While part of me wants to excuse away my absence, I know that it is a bigger deal than I make it out to be. I need to be able to prioritize when I’m with you. I guess I’ll figure it out when it comes to that, though. It’s not something that I really need to be concerned with at this very moment. See! Prioritizing. I’m already practicing.

That’s one of the things I hope we can do for each other. Motivate each other. Stay updating in each other’s lives and be able to provide that support system for each other when we are feeling weak. I hope you will motivate me to keep up with my PT exercises. Maybe hide all the chocolate until I do them or something…just a thought.

I want to be able to hold your hand and support you. I know from this past semester and taking hard classes that sometimes life is just rough. There’s something incredibly sweet about gestures that recognize all the effort you’ve put into something. For example, after my orgo exam, it would’ve been amazing if something showed up with roses and chocolate because they knew they I had spent more hours studying for that exam than I had sleeping the 4 days prior to the exam. Oh wait. Someone did do that.

Take inspiration from that if you will. I hope that I will be able to find things that motivate you and reward you as much as the flower gesture did for me.

Plans change and for some weird reason, although humans have been able to adapt to climate change and other flukes of nature, we seem to react very poorly to change — despite the fact that plans are never set in stone! I hope that we don’t put too much importance on plans so that we don’t have our hopes dashed if they don’t come to fruition. That being said, I also hope that we can support each other when both of us have plans to accomplish goals…the more of these letters I write to you, the more I realize how much of a relationship is a total balancing act.

I just don’t want life to get in our way. Have you ever listened to the song “Broken Together” by Casting Crowns? There’s a line in the song that goes like this:

We were building kingdoms and chasing dreams and left love behind

I don’t want to be so distracted with all the accomplishments and goals of life and forget about building a relationship. How painful it would be to struggle by yourself and know how hard those situations can be — and then turn around and forget that your best friend and spouse is struggling too! There should be no abandonment in a promise as strong as marriage.

I will make a promise to you right now. I promise that you will never have to go through life’s struggles alone and I will be by your side the whole time. We’re a team, love.

I can’t wait to play this crazy game of life with you, teammate.

All my love,

Your Future Wife