Hello again, dear ones. I abandon you once more.
But – like every narcissistic lover – I always reappear when you have given up hope on hearing back from me. I use you for my own selfish purposes: vomiting ill-conceived thoughts on your blank screen, dissecting secrets amidst your black font, bruising the backspace button as the wrong words tumble down.
We both know I’ll leave. Again.
That part of me will never grow up. I’ve written in my public diary for 3 (nearly 4!) years now and I don’t foresee myself stopping any time soon. I’ll actually have more time for it, in just 23 days.
I’m quitting my job, you see. My regular-paycheck-every-other-Friday, PTO and benefits, 8-4 job. Not that I’m giving up, per se. Just choosing a different route. This is my gap year, after all, and I intend to live like it.
I’ll be spending a lot more time on here. I’ll be free for the next 5 months to type what I wish, when I wish it. I’ll be focusing on my writing and tutoring part-time. I plan on doing daily “writing sprints,” where I will post a prompt and write non-stop for 10 minutes. You have the ultimate pleasure of reading my uncensored thoughts, should you so choose.
I never stopped being a writer. But I stopped identifying as one. Well, no more.
You truly know me so well, after all this time. And I think that’s why I keep coming back.
I’m remembering what it’s like to be human, again. I’m going to create once more, frustrate myself with my lack of inner thesaurus, drink endless cups of tea, and poke around in dusty corners of my brain. I’m going to write – not from the heart – but from my soul and discover who I am.
I’m going to change.
Welcome to my new year.